I have felt this way for three times and the first time was back when the United States shut everything down because of the coronavirus.
I felt like I had no motivation to keep going with the assignments I had from my college classes.
I felt like a burden to those around me and that I only made things worse.
My mental health got pretty bad once I stopped going to see my chiropractor for adjustments and acupuncture. I thought it was the best thing to stop going for awhile just to be safe and to protect those around me. Once I went back for the first time since everything, I was back to my normal, happy self and I was able to tell a HUGE difference! I know I talked about it in this blog post and there is a reason why I’m talking about it again.
So, a few weeks back, I wasn’t able to go get my weekly adjustments and acupuncture and that was out of my control this time.
During these few weeks, my mental health got to the point I felt like I was in this dark hole and I couldn’t see anything. I felt like no matter what I did, it seemed like I couldn’t get myself out of that state I was in. All I was able to see were negative things and I felt like I couldn’t even see the things that were positive.
I felt lonely.
I cried so much.
I wanted out of the environment I was surrounded by.
My mind was so dark.
This happened twice.
After the first time, I was determined to get myself out of this because I didn’t want this to happen again to me. I kept telling myself that the new week will be better; my mental health will be so much better than the previous week. But, I was back in that dark hole, which I felt like I had no control over. It was scary.
Because of all of this, I feel like something is off with my hormones.
If you’re new here, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) back in December and I have been trying to balance my hormones naturally without being on birth control – if you are curious, I encourage you to read my PCOS Journey here!
Anyways, women with PCOS are known to have anxiety and depression. I knew about this as I was researching the symptoms of PCOS even before I knew I was diagnosed with it. I did have a feeling that I probably had PCOS because my symptoms matched up to the symptoms of PCOS. Here is a study I was reading that explains the link between PCOS and having both anxiety and depression.
Women with PCOS have a high risk of having anxiety and depression.
I haven’t gone to a psychologist to get diagnosed, but I know I have had both.
I have had my anxiety get to the point where I felt like something or someone was sitting on my chest to the point I had to catch my breath and just breathe.
As I was in this dark hole, I have had both anxiety and depression for all three times.
Depression is more than just being sad.
It’s more of feeling like you are losing yourself.
Being afraid to talk to someone about how you truly feel.
You stop doing the things you love doing.
You feel all alone and no one is here to get you out of this mindset.
Everything felt so dark all around me.
There were some days where I would skip meals because I had no motivation to make myself something to eat.
Some days I felt like not doing anything at all.
It was so dark.
I honestly believe my hormones had something to do with all of this because my mental health has never gotten this bad before and realizing that, scares me.
There were so many signs that popped up that made me realize this.
For example, my cycle is all messed up. Every month I track my period on an app called, Femometer. I was looking ahead for each month from this month (July) to October. My period is predicted to start on July 31, so it will be going on to the first week in August. Then, in September, I am predicted to start on September 3. From looking at these predictions, I basically skip my period for August. All of this is unusual because I normally would start towards the end of each month and not start towards the beginning of the month. It’s just everywhere and that is a sign that I know something is not right!
I’m obviously out of the dark hole I was in because I’m able to talk about it now and I have been feeling so much better since I went back to seeing my chiropractor last week.
I have noticed that when I talk to someone about how I’m feeling and just let everything out, I feel so much better afterwards.
If everything I described about how I felt when I was in this dark hole I was in is exactly how you have been feeling, I encourage you to find someone you can trust that you can just talk to someone about how you’re feeling. Trust me, you’re going to feel so much better after you do talk to someone about it. If you don’t have someone you can talk to about it, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me and you can contact me here.
Focusing on your mental health and being aware of how you feel are both so important.
I knew something was wrong because my mental health has never gotten this bad before. If I didn’t realize that, who knows if I would still be in that dark hole or not today.
Getting close to Jesus was what got me out of it. I start each morning off with reading a devotional from the Bible App while I’m eating my breakfast. By doing this, it has helped my mental health so much!
I’m honestly so thankful to say that the previous week has been so much better for me and my mental health!
I thought I would be stuck in the darkness forever and it just wasn’t getting better.
This is only a glimpse of what having PCOS is like and it also impacts me physically, too.
I’m not telling you all of this to feel sorry for me.
I’m telling you this and being real with all of you because we need to start talking about how we are feeling. We need to normalize it instead of hiding this from people as if it never happened.
Your mental health matters.
The way you feel matters.
Your feelings are valid.
Know when it is time to get some help.
Know when it is time you need to start working on improving your mental health – that is what I’m trying to do now.
Know when you need to talk to someone and go to someone who will listen to everything you say and who you trust.
Be able to help yourself before your mental health gets worse.
You’re not alone in this.
Everything is going to be ok.
Jesus is right by your side, even in the darkness. He will never leave you.
I added a new page to this blog and I encourage all of you to check it out! For those of you who are new here, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) in December of 2019. I have been documenting everything that I have been through and experienced – from discussing my symptoms before I knew what was wrong, all the way to what I am doing now to help my body. My goal is to balance my hormones naturally without taking birth control. I want to give other women with PCOS hope that birth control isn’t the only option. All of the details about My PCOS journey Pinterest board can be found here.
Thank you so much for stopping by on the Kylie’s Corner & More blog! If you would like to, you can purchase your personalized, signed copy of Kylie’s Corner and a complimentary bookmark I designed, here! Kylie’s Corner is a devotional for anyone who is in High School and up – you can read more about Kylie’s Corner. I talk about beauty in God’s eyes, society, anxiety, and so much more in the Kylie’s Corner book. If God has someone on your heart that you feel the need to give this inspiring book to, please listen to Him. The individual may need to hear the words God put in my heart at the time when I wrote the Kylie’s Corners that are in this book.
I still have copies of Kylie’s Corner available!
Know when it is time to get help if you are feeling like this. You’re not alone, Jesus is right by your side through all of it.Tweet this!